Dr. Martin Luther King’s birthday is a perfect time to find some much needed inspiration for our kids, and watching the movie Selma is a good way to start. The movie brings to life the overwhelming challenges and violent opposition that Dr. King faced and overcame.  But will seeing the movie make kids even more upset and angry that Black people faced down dogs, hoses, beatings and worse more than a half-century ago and we still have racism and police violence today?

Maybe.  But in the context of today’s crises, the movie is empowering, and an opportunity to talk with kids about how ordinary people like themselves can drive systemic change.  Many of the foot soldiers in the civil rights movement were young people not far in age from themselves.  They  believed in a better tomorrow for future generations.  They fought–and were ready to die–for those beliefs.  The civil rights movement holds lessons for our young people today who are inspired by the Black Lives Matter movement.   Both then and now individual action is powerful and can make a difference.  Young people can lead the way.

The movie also reminds us that civil rights activists fought and died so that Black people would be able to freely exercise their right to vote. That right is precious; it should be protected and exercised at every opportunity.  Voters in the great State of Georgia showed that the power of the ballot box is real. Hopefully,  our children will witness the change to come because people voted and made their voices heard. It is just the right moment to teach elementary, middle school and high school kids that when the time comes, they have a civic and moral responsibility to register and vote.

The movie also speaks to fighting bullies. It shows there are effective ways to stand up to bullies and object when and where you see unfairness and prejudice. The young foot soldiers in the civil rights movement did just that and changed the law and societal norms.

Here are a few more sources to help parents and young people dig deeper into the civil rights movement and find inspiration and hope.

“To The Mountaintop” by Charlayne Hunter-Gault — Ms. Hunter-Gault chronicles her personal journey to integrate the University of Georgia in the mid-60’s.

“On The Road to Freedom– A Guided Tour of the Civil Rights Trail” by Charles Cobb — a book that navigates the civil rights movement city by city. A book rich with geography that parents should enjoy with their children.

“Freedom Riders” — a film about how a bus full of youth risked their lives sitting on a bus to take a stand.

“Henry’s Freedom Box,” by Ellen Levine — a great book for young children about civil rights that comes with its own activities and lesson plans.

“Let’s get Ready for Martin Luther King Jr. Day,” by Lloyd Douglas — A children’s book that builds an appreciation of the observance and the man.

“If You Lived in The Time of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.,” by Ellen Levine — A book for young children that gives perspective on the movement.

• Let’s get cooking!  Parents may be spending more time in the kitchen at this time of year, even though there may be fewer folks over.  Without the pressure of laying out a big spread for a large number of people, this can be an opportunity to teach family recipes, experiment with new dishes, or just invite your kids into the kitchen while you cook.  It’s even okay if they just have a seat and watch what is going on in the kitchen.   They pick up more than you might think just by watching. And, time in the kitchen together can be an opportunity to have a no-agenda conversation with your kids.  There are some helpful age-appropriate ideas about cooking with kids here.

• Learn some family history.  Many of the senior members of our families may have more time to themselves during the Holidays this year.  This is a perfect opportunity to get these relatives on a video call or sit down with them if they are in your household and learn some family history through an informal question and answer session.  Kids can let their relatives know the questions beforehand so they have a chance to think about the answers.   They may even have some pictures and clippings to share that the kids might not otherwise have seen.  Kids can ask older relatives about growing up, what was going on at the time in the country and in the world, what they did during the Holidays when they were kids, how they met their life partners, how they chose a career, etc. It would be great to have the child write a summary of the interview and share it with the relative interviewed as well as other members of the family.

• Volunteer!  The need for volunteers has only intensified during the pandemic as many families have experienced difficult economic, social and medical and social circumstances. There are numerous ways to volunteer that are safe and appropriate for children and teens. Nonprofit organizations have been creative and adept at developing ways to keep volunteers safe.  Many activities can be done from home or done virtually. And it is easy to go through closets and drawers at home to collect sample toiletries, winter clothing, toys and other items to donate.  Children can even do a clothing, toy and/or food drive in their neighborhood and then arrange for drop-off or pick-up. Food drives are particularly needed due to food insecurity among many more families.  There are some good ideas here about volunteer activities appropriate for these times.

• Practice manners and etiquette.  Increased at-home time could be a good opportunity to practice how to set a table, engage in appropriate dinner conversation and use good table manners.  These are useful life skills that must be taught and practiced so they become habits. In a smaller family dinner setting, there may be more opportunities to go over these things without embarrassing or pressuring a child.

• List some of the unexpected good things that have come out of quarantine.  We all know the downsides of quarantine.  But there have also been a few surprise good things that have come out of this situation.   For example, many of us know our neighbors better.  Remote work and school have afforded more flexible schedules and allowed parents and children to spend more time together.  While more togetherness can be difficult at times, it can also strengthen family ties and draw us closer.  Children may have learned a new hobby, refined a developing skill, or read more books.  The point of this list is to get kids thinking more positively about their circumstances and what they might want to do in the remainder of quarantine and in some cases, continue when it’s over.

• I am grateful for…  This year it is especially important for parents and kids to identify and say out loud the things they have to be grateful for even in these uncertain times. Doing this can give kids a greater sense of control over their lives and put the things they have missed or lost in a different perspective.  It can be particularly useful for kids to hear more senior members of the family talk about what they are grateful for.  Often it is the simple things that we take for granted that older family members have learned to appreciate.

If you have other ideas, we would love for you to share them and tell other Beccastone readers how those activities worked for your family.

Note: Beccastone originally spoke to Dr. Poussaint in the wake of the killing of 17-year old Trayvon Martin in Florida in 2012.  Dr. Poussaint’s words of advice are equally relevant today as parents try to help kids grapple with racial issues and the continuing violence against Black people.

Beccastone: At what age do you recommend that you first talk to a child about race and why?

Dr. Poussaint: The best time to talk is when your child asks questions, and you don’t know when that will come. Children become conscious of differences at ages 4 or 5. They begin to notice differences in skin color and what that means. They may not see much significance at first, but if they pick up things at home that indicate different attitudes toward people who have different characteristics, they may have questions. It will depend on how parents talk at home.

There has been a lot of media attention on the Trayvon Martin killing and violence against Black people. Kids as young as 3 or 4 may pick up something. They may hear parents or adults talking about racial profiling and racial discrimination. They may ask, “What happened to him, Mom? Why did they do that?” So parents have a tough job.

I suggest that parents try to be balanced and talk about how some people in every group have evil, angry thoughts and that this particular person or group of people may have had an evil motivation in shooting the boy.  You can talk about how it will go to the court to decide what happened. You should talk in a language your child can understand.

One thing parents should not do is give their child the impression that all whites are potentially dangerous to Black people. If your child becomes scared of all white people, it will affect the child in school, in the street, and his whole sense of trust in society. You want to say that in all groups, there are some people who are not nice and have mean attitudes, but the bulk of people in any group are good people. Prejudice and discrimination exists in American society, but it also exists in many other societies and we should try to get rid of it everywhere.

You have to remember that even at age 4, a kid doesn’t have a blank slate entirely. A child is affected by the kind of neighborhood he lives in. Is it all black or multi-cultural? Is it low income, or suburban middle class? When my son was about 6, I took him to tennis lessons in a park in a Black neighborhood. He asked me one day, “Daddy, how come only Black people are poor?” It was something he picked up, because I had never driven him to neighborhoods where there are poor white people. He also went to school where the white kids he knew were primarily upper and middle class. So it’s understandable that he thought poverty was confined to Black people. We had a long talk, and he understood. But if he had not raised that question, he may have kept it in his head that only Black people are poor.

BS: Do you think parents should initiate a conversation about the Trayvon Martin case?

Dr. Poussaint: You can start a conversation with an older child, maybe 11 and up, but probably not with a child as young as 5 or 6. The best approach with kids is to find out what they already know. Ask them if they’ve heard anyone talking about anything in Florida or about a person dying in Florida, ask what his friends are talking about. There are so many things on television that we don’t know what they have been exposed to. It is also possible that even older children may not want to discuss the case or don’t understand it. You have to respect their right not to want to talk about it. It may make them uncomfortable — the idea that someone got shot because they are Black. There are times in the news where a Black person hurts a white person, and we should discuss whether that is racial or not.

BS: How can parents help a child develop a positive self-image?

Dr. Poussaint: I know Black girls who only have blonde Barbie dolls given to them by their parents or friends of the parents. If they are given only white dolls and these dolls are considered pretty, the child may pick up that there is something wrong with them, their skin, hair color and texture. The more common thing I have heard over the years is that little girls say, “I want to have long blonde hair.” The parents get concerned that the child will develop a negative image. So we have to be aware of the dolls that we give to our children. Parents have to intervene. A child needs reinforcement that their skin or hair is beautiful as it is, without overdoing it. Parents have to be careful whom they say is “pretty”. If parents refer only to fair-skinned children with straight hair as “pretty”, the dark brown child will pick up on these cues and begin to feel that she is not as beautiful.

The kinds of books that you read to your kids are important too — are there different characters and different kingdoms? Are the books about multi-racial families and neighborhoods? There are many good books out there, so there is no reason for a Black kid to have books with only white characters. That sends a message about who is important and who is not. The same is true with television. There are many stereotypes in television shows. Encourage programs like Sesame Street and Dora the Explorer that value people of different backgrounds and have special things to contribute to the community.

BS: What can parents do when there’s a racial incident at school?

Dr. Poussaint: It depends on what the racial incident is — subtle or overt? If a kid calls a black kid the N word, that’s extreme. It may be that the kid who did the name-calling didn’t know what that meant and they were just imitating someone. But that’s still not acceptable. Both parents and teachers need to take responsibility. The parents must talk with their child and explain that there is something wrong with the kid who used that word, not you, and you should never accept anyone calling you that name. I would encourage kids now to immediately report it to the teacher. Teachers are under an obligation to pay attention to this kind of incident.

I recommend that before any racial incidents occur, schools should put in place a process to deal with these kinds of incidents. A lot of this is multi-layered and complicated, so I think schools should have a standing committee that deals with multi-cultural issues. The committee should be made up of teachers, students, parents/PTA and school administrative staff. There should be policies in place so that when something happens, it will go directly to the on-going committee.

The committee should handle not just incidents but also work to promote real diversity in the school. The school’s standing committee should be made up of people from different cultures — Black, Asian, Hispanic, white. Also, as a practical approach, look at the pictures of important people/role models on the walls of the school. Are they mostly white? Is there a fair representation of all the groups? It affects students walking into a room or down a hall to see faces of many races on the walls. Make the rooms and walls multi-cultural.

Rather than operating only in a crisis mode, the committee should have positive activities that would enhance the school’s sense of diversity. Have a multi-cultural day. Do special activities around Martin Luther King Day. Invite special speakers. Bring in dance groups or musicians from other countries/cultures. Let’s deal with the enrichment side of multi-culturalism. The curriculum should be balanced in what is taught. Don’t leave out Native Americans and how we treated them. The committee needs to monitor the whole school. With demographics changing so rapidly, you need to have these standing committees in place and looking at issues constantly. And kids will feel better if they know a school has a committee that deals directly with these issues.

Another suggestion is that if schools have an organization that is for one specific group, such as a Black health organization, it is open to anyone interested in Black health, and is not just for Blacks. That’s how you teach cultural competence — not being afraid of each other but learning from each other.

BS: Do you have any views on how parents should approach the use of the “N-word” in certain music lyrics?

Dr. Poussaint: Kids pick up stuff from television, movies, and videos. They see the adults doing it, and they figure that since adults know what they are doing, it must be ok. So when kids hear the “N” word used constantly in videos, the kids think it’s OK. I think it’s unacceptable. That word is a negative word that you cannot make positive. The term is derogatory and says you’re no good. You cannot spin it in a good way. You cannot erase the negativity. And what about the white kids who hear it? They think it’s acceptable because they hear Blacks use the “N” word all the time, so it must be okay. But when white kids use the “N” word, it comes across as prejudice.

Parents should definitely take the position that the “N” word is unacceptable. They should tell their kids that they are not to use such language and they should not accept such language. The “N” word also demeans the relationship between the sexes. If they are willing to accept the “N” word, then they are more likely to accept “bitches” and “ho’s.” When the rappers are using the words “bitches” and “ho’s,” ask yourself, what does that say about how they think of women? What does that say about you and how you think of yourself? Do you feel you should be with guys who call you those kinds of names? Do you want to be dominated? Do you think that makes you authentically Black?

If blacks, whites, all kids say “I’m not going to buy this kind of music,” then maybe some of the rappers will start to pay attention.

Dr. Alvin Poussaint, now retired, was a Professor of Psychiatry and Faculty Associate Dean for Student Affairs at Harvard Medical School in Boston, Mass. Dr. Poussaint is a nationally recognized expert on race relations in America, the dynamics of prejudice, and issues of diversity. He has written many books (for example, Lay My Burden Down: Suicide and the Mental Health Crisis Among African Americans (with Amy Alexander) ; Come on People: On the Path from Victims to Victors (with Bill Cosby); and Raising Black Children (with Dr. James Comer)) and hundreds of articles, and is the recipient of numerous awards and honorary degrees. 

Parents should teach children to be mindful of their interactions and online behavior so they have positive and safe online profiles.  This includes teaching them how to keep their accounts private, how not to over-share online or create a misleading online identity, how to spot potentially dangerous or risky connections, and how to communicate appropriately online.   

Here are seven things for parents to keep in mind as they talk to their child about social media use. 

1. Minimum Age.  Children must be 13 or older to sign up for social media accounts.  That is the law, and kids below that age should not be on social media. But even some 13-year olds may not be ready for the responsibilities of social media use.  If you think your kid isn’t ready, you should tell them and perhaps set some goals that they would have to meet to show they are ready. 
2. Do Your Research.  If parents are not already users of the social media platforms their kids want to use, they should become users and take the time to learn and understand the purposes and features of the platforms.  This means that even if a parent is already a user, if they do not already know, they should thoroughly familiarize themselves with all features and functions of the platforms their kids want to use. Parents should discuss with their child what each platform does, who uses the platform, how it is used, and what pages and services it has.  This may better equip a child to make good decisions about what to say and how to say it, as well as to avoid certain pages or services. 
3. Private Accounts Only.  Tell your kids that their accounts must be private not public, and that they should accept only friend requests or follow requests from people they know. Ask them to let you know if they keep getting requests from strangers.
4. Follow Your Kids (and Their Friends).  Tell your child that you are going to follow their accounts and their friends’ social media accounts.  Then actually do what you said and see what your child and their friends are posting. Try to figure out if their friends are age appropriate and posting about age appropriate subjects. Give them room, but stay aware.
5. No Secret Passwords. Ideally parents should know their child’s passwords. But kids may feel this is an invasion of their privacy, and they may not want to share their passwords.  If your child feels this way, you can probably learn what you need to know by monitoring your child’s and their friends’ posts on a regular basis and discussing with them anything you see that is inappropriate. 
6. Manage Usage. Social media is designed to engage its users, but it should not be an all-day activity.  Establish limits on social media usage even if  active parental enforcement of those limits may be difficult.  At least you will have discussed how social media intentionally entices persistent use and why there is a need for self-imposed limits.  
7. Encourage Constructive Use of Social Media. Help your child find peers online who share their interests or post about things they are interested in.  If your child wants to learn more about particular subjects, there may also be experts who are posting about those topics.  

It’s hard to talk to kids about these sorrows in normal times.  In these pandemic times, it can be  overwhelming for both parents and kids.  

How can we protect our kids and help them cope?  How can we give them some hope so that anger doesn’t overtake them? The words of civil rights veteran and award-winning journalist Charlayne Hunter-Gault from a series of video clips on the Beccastone Channel below might give parents some ideas. As she talks about what got her through some of the toughest times when she desegregated the University of Georgia, Charlayne offers food for thought on race, faith, activism and the ongoing struggle for justice and equality.   

When I was nine years old and the only black kid in my class, my teacher asked us to talk about our family backgrounds. I marveled as my classmates regaled us with stories about their family lineage. They were part-Irish, part-British, part German. What was I? The only thing we studied back then in my classroom about black people were slavery and George Washington Carver and it was hard for a young kid to think that George Washington Carver had done all these things with peanuts when all we had been were slaves. So when the teacher turned her attention to me..I said that I was part black(Negro at the time), part Indian (almost all black people say that they are Indian and most also volunteer that they are Cherokee) and then I slipped in French. I did not want to be left out, but I saw my teacher give me a curious look as if she knew I was fibbing. The truth is that we all want to and should have a legacy… a heritage…a past that provides context for our present and for our future.

It would take me another ten years to have this context added. When a sophomore at Brandeis University doing research on the Harlem Renaissance took me to the rich treasure trove of New York’s Schomburg Library where on a gray fall day in Harlem, I listened to I’m Just Wild About Harry. For the first time, I learned that this popular tune had been written by the famous black song writing team of Noble Sissle and Eubie Blake. I was estatic. I, as a black person, actually had a history. This discovery brought me such delight. In fact, I went around the streets of New York interviewing anyone who would talk to me about the Harlem Renaissance. I interviewed Butterfly McQueen who had starred in the movie Gone With The Wind. She was living in impoverished conditions in Harlem and the high pitched voice that was her trademark was actually her real voice. I also interviewed Leigh Whipper, who was the oldest black living actor in 1972. The day that I interviewed him was the day that Josephine Baker had returned to perform in New York. She had contacted him to tell him that she was in town. He was blind at the time. Doing oral history interviews ignited in me a passion to dedicate my life to the preservation of our history. Our children need it.

While times have changed, their understanding of their culture and their contributions to society are still woefully limited. Just think… for them Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. might just as well be George Washington cutting down the cherry tree. We live in a time that the Martin Luther King Holiday which in 2011 will celebrate its 25th anniversary has in many ways lost its historical meaning and the names that are touted both within and outside of the black community are limited(i.e. Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, Fannie Lou Hamer, Malcolm X). I work with young people all the time and it is wonderful to see their faces light up when they learn something new about the history of black people. They tell me that things have not changed that much in what they are taught in school. We have a responsibility to change that and that starts with black parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Take a moment around the dinner table or on a trip to share stories about your growing up and what things were like. Take time to share family stories and legacies. If you do not know them, make it a family project to visit relatives and take out the recorder to record the story of someone elderly. The things you will learn can ignite in your children a sense of their own history..their own legacy. If nothing else, they will learn interviewing skills. If you are lucky, they will, when ask, be able to regale others with their family history in a proud and confident manner.

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Beccastone Editor’s Note: This article reminds us of the importance of understanding history, both the history of Blacks in this country as well as our individual family history. The author, Julieanna Richardson, is the founder and executive director of The HistoryMakers, a non-profit Chicago-based organization committed to preserving, developing, and providing access to an archival collection of thousands of African American video and oral histories.

Additionally, my other grandmother whom I visited during summer vacation was very religious and read Bible verses to me. And she taught me her favorite — the 23rd Psalm. So that when I walked through hostile mobs shouting threats to kill me because I dared attempt to attend an all-white University, I held my head high and walked through the mobs unafraid because of another layer of that armor — the 23rd Psalm that went, “Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me, all the days of my life.” And I persevered and long after the mobs had been silenced, graduated from that place.

Likewise , it was Barack Obama’s Momma who clothed him in a suit of armor also. In fact, you could easily say she was the woman who made the man. As a young teenager who was being lured by the streets, she told him he needed to “grow up like a human being,” telling him in order to do that “You’re going to need some values.”

And the values she insisted he internalize were: honesty, fairness, straight-talk and independent judgment – in Obama’s words, giving voice to “needlepoint virtues.”

For black children growing up in the segregated South, “needlepoint virtues” also meant education. And those virtues were timeless and transcendent — meaning they applied to all human beings, regardless of color and were not limited by date. As black children, we were taught that education would be our salvation, and in another generation, Obama’s Mother, who was white and had little money, but who respected Black history, black values and the struggle of black people, taught the same thing. As Obama wrote:

“Five days a week, she came into my room at four in the morning, force-fed me breakfast and proceeded to teach me English lessons for three hours before I left for school and she went to work. I offered stiff resistance to this regimen, but in response to every strategy I concocted, whether unconvincing – “my stomach hurts” or indisputably true – my eyes kept closing every five ¬minutes, she would patiently repeat her most powerful defense: “This is no picnic for me either, buster.”

“Yes!!”, I remembered thinking the first time I read this as the mother of a son who was once a teenager.

Barack’s Mother, Ann Dunham, overcame young Barack’s adolescent resistance and taught him that “rational, thoughtful people could shape their own destiny.”

And even though Obama’s father, a Black African, had abandoned her, without rancor, she passed on to him the values that surely must have attracted her to his father in the first instance, telling young Barack his Kenyan father “had grown up poor, in a poor country, in a poor continent; how his life had been hard. But he hadn’t cut corners or played all the angles. He was diligent and honest, no matter what it cost him. He had led his life according to principles that demanded a different kind of toughness, principles that promised a higher form of power. I would follow his example, my mother decided. I had no choice.”

Moreover, this sensitized white woman taught him about the marches for freedom in the US, telling him “To be black was to be the beneficiary of a great inheritance, a special destiny, glorious burdens that only we were strong enough to bear.”

If we are to prosper as a people, we must wrap our children in suits of armor like Barack Obama’s and mine, crafted out of time-honored values that brought us to the day when we had our first Black President and when we can help our children shape their own destiny.

Author: Charlayne Hunter-Gault

The Internet has most everything to satisfy the curiosity of our children, but this also includes pornography and sexually graphic materials, which can sometimes appear just from using certain search terms.   So it’s important to give kids early the tools to understand online porn: that some of what is on the Internet is just noise and not for everyone. Related to pornography is “sexting”, where kids send texts of sexually suggestive images of themselves. With the start of school, or during prom, graduation and the summer season, the urge to engage in this type of activity likely gets stronger.  And moms are reporting that it can start very early—like in elementary school.

Although some studies suggest that exposure to pornography does no lasting harm to teens, we as parents should have a way to discuss human sexuality with our kids that is informative, while imparting our value system and personal feelings about intimacy as best we can. Some experts suggest packaging the “porn talk” with the “sex talk”. Others suggest finding out what our children know, and tailoring the tone of the discussion to them by asking question and answering them.  You should have the “talk” with your kids more than once, since things change so fast and the discussion will change as kids get older.  Here are a few topics to consider as you think about how to discuss this subject with your kids.

• Intimacy is a gift best shared in a loving relationship.
• Pornography is not intimacy — it’s just sex, without feeling.
• Pornography exploits people;  the viewer is “using” other people’s bodies for entertainment.
•  There is no reason to video yourself having sex or show your body in a way that suggests you want to have sex. That’s just allowing others to use your body for entertainment.
• If you were to send a sexually suggestive picture to a peer or anyone else, there is a big chance other people will see it, either because it’s forwarded or someone just shows it to others on their phones.
• There are people looking to have sex with children online. Don’t give out any information about yourself to anyone whom you meet online.
• Porn sites can infect laptops, phones and other mobile devices.

If you have had the “porn talk” with your kids, how did it go?  Any advice to share?

Beccastone talks to Rev. Dr. Calvin O. Butts, III, Pastor, Abyssinian Baptist Church, Harlem, New York City, and President, State University of New York College at Old Westbury, about parenting, religion and the church.

Beccastone: What role can the church play in helping parents to raise their children?

Rev. Calvin Butts: The church should be a place where parents are reinforced in terms of their value system, ethics and morality. The bedrock of a Christian value system is the Bible. Other religious groups have their sourcebooks. The church has a responsibility to help parents understand the Bible and its teachings so they can answer questions like what values should I have and teach my children? What is character? How should I treat my family and those I love? How should I treat other people?

Teaching values is so important in today’s society, which has become increasingly “value-less”. Some of our public role models–such as professional athletes, elected officials, journalists and even religious leaders –have gone astray and lost their moral and ethical compass. Our children need something to help them define right and wrong, to point them in the right direction, to give them moral fiber. The church gives parents a strong foundation for raising a moral and ethical child.

The church also gives us the stability we need in times of discomfort and grief. When things happen that we can’t explain, like the pandemic, our faith gives us something to hold onto to keep us from losing our minds. We see it all the time–when disasters happen, people turn to their faith for comfort. Children should start developing their faith early in life. This will help them cope with the unanticipated events that life inevitably brings.

BS: What is your advice about how to choose a church?

RCB: A church should serve the needs of everyone in the family, not just a few. You should think about what kind of church you are looking for. Is it one that reminds you of the church you grew up in? Is it a church with a very close-knit community? How big a church would you be comfortable in? Is it one that emphasizes music or are you more interested in educational classes or discussion groups?

For a family with children, I would look for a strong educational program at all levels from Sunday School, to teen activities to adult education classes. I also believe that a church should have an active community outreach and service program. Community service programs can sponsor activities for young people that build character and show how to give back to the community.

You also should consider whether there is a family history with a particular faith and whether the church should be in that faith. Location and schedule of services can be important too. Although closeness to your home isn’t as much of an issue as it used to be, I would recommend choosing a church that you will be able to get to on a regular basis. You should consider the musical traditions of the church. Does the church emphasize only certain types of music or does it cover a broader range such as hymns, spirituals, anthems, and contemporary and traditional gospel? .

Prospective members might also try talking to the pastor or deacons of the church, as well as other church members, to find out what it is like to be a member of the church and what obligations and benefits come with membership.

BS: At what age should parents start bringing their child to church?

RCB: Parents should start bringing their child to church very early in life. I would say as early as the first six months of life, and parents and children should keep on coming as the children grow. I have seen some parents send their children to church but not come themselves. That sends a very confusing message to the child. Parents and children need a spiritual component in their lives.

BS: How do you keep children engaged in the church as they grow up?

RCB: It depends on how involved they are in the activities of the church, which is another reason to start bringing children to church at an early age and to look for a church that has a strong activities program at all levels. For example, at my church, we have a Youth Council that participates in the worship service, takes group trips, and has a teen teaching program where youth members teach Sunday School with an adult teacher. Teens need activities centered around a greater understanding of their faith to keep them engaged with the church. They also follow the example of the adults in their lives. If the whole family is engaged in church, there is a greater likelihood that the teen will stay engaged too.

What advice do you have for parents today?

RCB: It is important to develop and nurture a child’s spiritual side as well as their physical side. So expose your child to faith, begin at an early age and worship with them during their growing years. Faith is a gift they will have and rely on throughout their lives.

What is the best advice your parents gave you?

RCB: My parents taught me not to judge other people. I do not recall my parents ever passing judgment on another human being. They always said that you don’t know all the circumstances of another person’s life so be very careful how quickly you judge. My mother and father treated everyone with respect; they applauded others’ success and they never ridiculed another person because of a misstep. We should never look down on another human being. The value of that lesson has been reinforced for me many, many times throughout my life and my service as a pastor.

Here are Beccastone’s Top Ten Ways For Our Children to Give Back.

1. Create chore coupons for grandparents — Charity starts at home —our children can craft a coupon for their grandparents redeemable for any number of tasks that need doing around the house. Helping their grandparents or other older relatives can help build or strengthen a relationship as well.

2. Food banks — The whole family can visit a local food bank, give a donation and help distribute donations as well.  Food banks have seen a steadily rising need for their services as a result of the pandemic.

3. Habitat for Humanity — Kids can learn a skill and build a home.

4. Organize a food drive and donate — In their schools, religious organizations, or even in the neighborhood, our children can collect and deliver donations of canned goods.

5. Volunteer at a local soup kitchen — During the holidays, our kids can make dinner plates for those in need.

6. Donate old toys and clothes — Help kids clean out their closet of old toys and clothes, then gather them up for donation to your local Salvation Army or other community organization.

7. Offer to do yard work for an elderly neighbor — Right on the block where you live, older neighbors need help maintaining their yards. Our children can ask a neighbor and help with upkeep, year-round, from time to time.

8. Sign up as a tutor — It’s important to have peer role models and if your child is particularly good in an academic subject, he or she can sign up to tutor others virtually in his or her school, church or perhaps at a local library.

9. Volunteer at an animal shelter — For your kid, the animal lover, he or she can volunteer time taking care of strays at the local shelter.

10. Donate snack bags or toiletries to a women’s shelter — Women in need of shelter can have children in tow that have needs too. Our kids can put together care packages that include candy, toys and books.
Your local church or other place of worship will have more ideas for giving back to the community. You can also contact:

Points of Light

GenerationOn

What are some ways you know of that empower our children to give back?